Floral Notes and Bardo: Time and Flowers, People

By Travis Newbill

Floral Notes and Bardo: The Creative Chronicles of a Shambhala Mountain Resident is a daily feature on the SMC blog in which a member of our staff/community shares his experience of existing as part of Shambhala Mountain Center.

Fun with Rebbi — Heather’s mom — the last few days. Wondrous artist-human.  Delightful, and glad to be connecting.  Last night, the three of us in my house singing Beatles’ songs:

“Lil’ darlin’, it’s beena long, cold, lonely, winter…”

And now, the sun is bathing us all, the land.  Spring arriving.

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And, in knowing Rebbi, somehow feeling closer to Heather.  Some sense of greater reality.  Greater humanness.  The truth of the texture of her black hair, and her shoulders.

Real people.

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This morning, an hour spent arranging flowers after meditation.  Just an hour, because, I have to be on the clock for a certain amount of time each week in the marketing chair, and my schedule is rather tight.

But, I’m reading this dharma about work and time and so on.  This book form Tarthang Tulku.  There’s a bit in there about having deadlines and allowing that to energize the work — like the pressure needed to produce diamonds — without it freaking you (me) out.

I was feeling that as I was arranging.  Last weekend, a bunch of us did the Ikebana workshop with Shenpen, Sensei, and, all week long, my world has been more spacious and creative.  I’ve been approaching my whole life more like a flower arrangement…

And I’ve got Tarthang Tulku in the other ear nudging me to be more productive.

So…  more productive and more spacious.  How does that work?  It seems to.  It’s what I’m working on.

– April 25, 2014

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PortraitTravis Newbill is a curious dude on the path of artistry, meditation, and social engagement who is very glad to be residing at Shambhala Mountain Center. His roles within the organization include Marketing Associate and Head Dekyong–a position of leadership within the community. 

 

Floral Notes and Bardo: Some Hallucinations

By Travis Newbill

Floral Notes and Bardo: The Creative Chronicles of a Shambhala Mountain Resident is a daily feature on the SMC blog in which a member of our staff/community shares his experience of existing as part of Shambhala Mountain Center.

What am I afraid of?

Feeling overwhelmed forever, failing in my endeavors, losing people’s approval, not achieving what I wish to, not receiving the recognition that I crave, not being special at all, being a grain of sand, being fundamentally mistaken, being nothing but a brief-luminous-flare.

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I really feel the need to go on retreat.  I’m all wound up.  I’m feeling clouded.

But…

It’s difficult to find the time.  Some people seem to think that living here is like being on one big retreat.  In a sense, that’s true.  But…  I work a lot here.  Most everybody that lives here works a lot.  Between the day-jobs that we have — which keep the business running — and our community service, obligations, participation…  it’s a lot.

And…

I just realized a couple of days ago that I ought to go down to Florida for a week or so in the beginning of May to help my mom.  Our family home is being foreclosed upon.  My brother is soon going off to college.  So, she’ll be alone.  The house is full of stuff — physical and emotional.  It’s been accumulating for half a century.  It’s a mess.  It’s quite haunted.

Anyway…  I’m just a little freaked out and need to go on retreat.  Note to self.  Got that?  Retreat.  Or, carry on and do my best with the state of mind and circumstances that are arising.  The time for retreat will open up and I’ll know it.  Keep the peepers peeled.

Last night in Fearlessness in Everyday Life class, lead by Greg Smith, we paired-up and asked each other: What are you afraid of?

My current answer: My own hallucinations.

– April 17, 2014

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PortraitTravis Newbill is a curious dude on the path of artistry, meditation, and social engagement who is very glad to be residing at Shambhala Mountain Center. His roles within the organization include Marketing Associate and Head Dekyong–a position of leadership within the community.